Online chat conversations almost always start with an ‘intro’, sometimes before a ‘hello’. And before you know it, a complete stranger unabashedly probes you on the more intimate anatomical details. With a quick, ‘too small’, or ‘I’m looking for something bigger’, a conversation abruptly ends when you don’t measure up to someone’s expectations.

Just when you thought it was only an issue of skin colour in some instances, the scales are hanging on length and girth measurements. Well, of course certain ‘criteria’ for conversations remain undisturbed. But increasingly guys are interested to know the size of what lies beneath.

Whatever happened to having a tool that works? Let’s welcome natural selection. Bigger and stronger is better. It is really a matter of the images and ideas a bigger penis connotes: a symbol of male power. Notions of potency, virility, manliness, strength, and power. Even in the animal kingdom.

But while some like a well–hung man, others may prefer smaller penises. The reasons vary of course. For someone to want bigger penises, it could be to extract greater satisfaction during sex. A bigger penis separates the men from the boys. You cannot possibly derive the same gratification with a kid’s penis, can you? So, the bigger, the better. And in some instances, more pain, more pleasure. Think along the lines of the mantra: no pain, no gain. At the same time, it could also be a test of one’s threshold for pain by receiving something bigger than the one before. A sense of achievement to have slept with someone ‘bigger’. Again, natural selection weasels its way into the gay world. Warped? You decide.

But for someone who prefers smaller penises, it could very well be to boost one’s own ego, or manliness, to be bigger than the person one sleeps with. In other words, to dominate. Conversely, it could also ‘compensate’ for a bottom’s role in sex, especially if he’s better hung than his partner. By compensation I mean his idea of manliness. This especially in cases where the mentality of men–don’t–get–fucked persists. So it is OK if I get screwed, as long as I do not feel less of a man. Finally, it is for the simple reason to avoid being pained too much when one’s bottom is repeatedly slammed into.

On a related note, size matters are often gelled together with one’s ethnic background. Yes, I am pointing toward stereotypes of how hung one is according to one’s ethnic background. And this is the general consensus vis–à–vis who stands tallest: Caucasians, Indians, Malays, and finally the Chinese. But is this neat category really cast in stone? How do people make such comparisons and decide such ‘rankings’, if you will? The Straits Times ran an article on men’s penis sizes across the four main ethnic groups in Singapore a couple of years ago. According to a survey that was concurrently conducted, it statistically upheld the above perception. But beyond the academically–inclined reasoning, these perceptions seem to derive more so from personal experiences.

I remember being in a pub once and this guy, who is quite prominent in the gay community, walked in. One of my friends announced his arrival like so: ‘the toothpick is here.’ I looked at Mr Popular, who did not quite look like a toothpick at all. He had a relatively defined bod hidden under the mandatory tight t–shirt. It wasn’t long before I figured it out of course. And I asked my friend if it actually mattered if one was a toothpick or an anaconda down there, especially since he is top. ‘Of course’, he said, ‘It makes or breaks it because it can be a turn on for a top to be doing a well–hung bottom. And in this guy’s case, he defies ethnic conventions.’

But a problem continues to persist. Not everyone has slept with men from every ethnic group to attest to the stereotypes. I spoke to some guys who have ‘done them all’ and the general response seems to back the ST article. But variations on a case–by–case basis were not unheard of.

Oftentimes people assume I am well–hung and I have to tell them not to be so quick to judge (though, I must add I have not gotten complains about good ol’ junior here). At the same time, I’ve met guys from the various ethnic groups who either reinforce the stereotypes, or do not stiffen them. For those who think of themselves as belonging purely to this ethnic group or the other, here’s one area where they may have to rethink this notion. This would explain other physical traits as well—like the amount of hair on one’s body, one’s features, etc. One guy sent me pictures of his penis which was comparable in length to a cable remote control. And it was quite like a bark of a tree.

But again, it boils down to how far we want to believe statistics and the extent of our personal experiences which shape our notions of how tall each ethnic group stands. After all, statistics are just that: numbers. They never represent the real deal because people come in different shapes and sizes.

But despite the knowledge that we can never believe numbers and rumours, a large number of us meet guys with some remnants of these pre–conceived notions. For instance, there was a time I hooked up with a guy who was pretty short. Somehow that did not bother me, for I expected it on some level (based on those numbers). On the other hand, I met another guy who fell shorter than the guy mentioned above. And he has stuck in memory for taking the cake. Now I do not particularly fancy big penises. But let’s just say I got a sense of what a ‘toothpick’ looked, and felt like.