Your nightmare sounds scary. I know some things take a long time to heal or maybe not. The consolation: At least you are young with zest, getting stronger over time in body and mind.
Thats probably one reason why i have difficulty opening my hearts out so readily. Sad.
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Nightmare..
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#2
One_of_us 
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Posted 21 January 2012 - 06:20 AM
Lil_Leo, on 20 January 2012 - 11:34 PM, said:
I'm trying to make myself stronger with every obstacle i face but, i'm really very tired of holding back my tears and acting as if nothing happen.. People asked me to talked to my family and friends but, its really difficult.. I mean, what should i tell them?? I'm a gay and some bastard 'touched' me?? I'm not trying to make people pity or anything~ I just wanna let it out here as its the only option.. I will recover!! No matter how long it takes, i will get stronger and i won't make the same freaking mistake again.. Thanks for the advice you all have given me, i will keep in mind what you all have told me 
Very good. You do well talking about it with anonymous strangers like us, but not to family or friends. We need to be loyal to us and keep some things confidential, maybe all our life, instead of breaking down and seeking easy consolations that may be a relief but little help.
Maybe you want to reflect and see that the price of the lesson you received was not extremely high. Take this case for example:
http://abcnews.go.co...60#.TxpGHW87XFk
Both the victim and the perpetrator were not so different from us, and they deserved better in life than what they got. But that's how this world is.
You say that you speak four languages. You must be very smart, and intellectual effort comes naturally to you. But try to force you to do something that is not natural for you, like for example learning a martial art. You should by now have proof that it can be of great value to you, given the episode you lived and the possibility of having other episodes. And to succeed in something that you are not automatically inclined to do, is very positive.
If by the time you are 18 or 20 you have a black belt in some martial art, you can still be "Homely, Kind, Sensitive, Simple" but maybe not so shy. You say you are "wealthy", so money should not be a problem to get first-class instruction. And you will have used your time for something much more positive than the somewhat silly "Badminton, Bowling, Car Racing/Go Kart, Rock Climbing" (I left out cycling, swimming and table tennis, sports that don't qualify as silly)
#3
Lil_Leo
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Posted 20 January 2012 - 11:34 PM
I'm trying to make myself stronger with every obstacle i face but, i'm really very tired of holding back my tears and acting as if nothing happen.. People asked me to talked to my family and friends but, its really difficult.. I mean, what should i tell them?? I'm a gay and some bastard 'touched' me?? I'm not trying to make people pity or anything~ I just wanna let it out here as its the only option.. I will recover!! No matter how long it takes, i will get stronger and i won't make the same freaking mistake again.. Thanks for the advice you all have given me, i will keep in mind what you all have told me
#4
Lil_Leo
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Posted 20 January 2012 - 11:17 PM
One_of_us, on 19 January 2012 - 11:43 PM, said:
You don't need to forget anything that happened. You don't need to talk to anybody, although Sailor gives good advice and he seems he can be trusted in hugs.
See it as a useful experience instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Now that you know this kind of reality of life, you should make a good plan to protect yourself. The bad part of your experience was not that someone had lust for you and tried to molest you even by force. That could simply have given you repulsion for such unfortunate creature.
The problem was specifically that you didn't have the means to fend off his attack.
Unless you want to make yourself ugly and unattractive, or stay away from potential friendships with other guys, your best action is to get the tools to protect yourself and have the upper hand in any kind of forceful confrontation. I'm not talking about guns or knives, but strength training and possibly martial arts.
According to your profile, being already 17 y.o. 5'8" and 130 lb, you can become a force to deal with if you add muscles and good reflexes.
We gays are attracted to non-physical activities like music, literature, we hate violence, and often look down at the purely physical. Well, this is not justified. Getting strong can be also a spiritual activity and it does not sacrifice intelligence nor attractiveness at all.
If in a few years you have acquired good defensive skills that should last your whole life, and very possibly an interest in keep perfecting them, then you can date, get involved with guys, with confidence that nobody will make you do what you don't want to do. Instead of being afraid to be touched, you won't be afraid to touch whenever it's appropriate.
Unless you have some physical handicap, there is nothing that keeps you from becoming a strong guy, gay or not gay, if you have the initiative to find the means and then put the time and effort it takes.
BTW... reading your profile... It's true when glass shatters that it's never the same again. But we are not made of glass, at least that I'm aware of. You know how many of our cells die each day and are perfectly replaced? bones that break and regrow? Healing is best when you are young, so don't waste any time and replace the broken glass with something that is elastic and strong.
See it as a useful experience instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Now that you know this kind of reality of life, you should make a good plan to protect yourself. The bad part of your experience was not that someone had lust for you and tried to molest you even by force. That could simply have given you repulsion for such unfortunate creature.
The problem was specifically that you didn't have the means to fend off his attack.
Unless you want to make yourself ugly and unattractive, or stay away from potential friendships with other guys, your best action is to get the tools to protect yourself and have the upper hand in any kind of forceful confrontation. I'm not talking about guns or knives, but strength training and possibly martial arts.
According to your profile, being already 17 y.o. 5'8" and 130 lb, you can become a force to deal with if you add muscles and good reflexes.
We gays are attracted to non-physical activities like music, literature, we hate violence, and often look down at the purely physical. Well, this is not justified. Getting strong can be also a spiritual activity and it does not sacrifice intelligence nor attractiveness at all.
If in a few years you have acquired good defensive skills that should last your whole life, and very possibly an interest in keep perfecting them, then you can date, get involved with guys, with confidence that nobody will make you do what you don't want to do. Instead of being afraid to be touched, you won't be afraid to touch whenever it's appropriate.
Unless you have some physical handicap, there is nothing that keeps you from becoming a strong guy, gay or not gay, if you have the initiative to find the means and then put the time and effort it takes.
BTW... reading your profile... It's true when glass shatters that it's never the same again. But we are not made of glass, at least that I'm aware of. You know how many of our cells die each day and are perfectly replaced? bones that break and regrow? Healing is best when you are young, so don't waste any time and replace the broken glass with something that is elastic and strong.
Well.. The height and weight is real but the age.. I'm 16 this yr
Anyways, thanks for the advice~
#5
One_of_us
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Posted 20 January 2012 - 03:43 PM
Lil_Leo, on 19 January 2012 - 11:29 PM, said:
When i went home, i immediately when to shower and i cried silently in the toilet without anyone knowing.. He was the one who made me fear guys now..Whenever a guy tries touch me now, i would avoid it.. i still love guys but, i just get past the barrier that is in front of me.. I tried to forget it but looking at how detailed i wrote this i realize, i didn't even forget a single thing he did to me.. When will i be able to overcome this nightmare??
You don't need to forget anything that happened. You don't need to talk to anybody, although Sailor gives good advice and he seems he can be trusted in hugs.
See it as a useful experience instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Now that you know this kind of reality of life, you should make a good plan to protect yourself. The bad part of your experience was not that someone had lust for you and tried to molest you even by force. That could simply have given you repulsion for such unfortunate creature.
The problem was specifically that you didn't have the means to fend off his attack.
Unless you want to make yourself ugly and unattractive, or stay away from potential friendships with other guys, your best action is to get the tools to protect yourself and have the upper hand in any kind of forceful confrontation. I'm not talking about guns or knives, but strength training and possibly martial arts.
According to your profile, being already 17 y.o. 5'8" and 130 lb, you can become a force to deal with if you add muscles and good reflexes.
We gays are attracted to non-physical activities like music, literature, we hate violence, and often look down at the purely physical. Well, this is not justified. Getting strong can be also a spiritual activity and it does not sacrifice intelligence nor attractiveness at all.
If in a few years you have acquired good defensive skills that should last your whole life, and very possibly an interest in keep perfecting them, then you can date, get involved with guys, with confidence that nobody will make you do what you don't want to do. Instead of being afraid to be touched, you won't be afraid to touch whenever it's appropriate.
Unless you have some physical handicap, there is nothing that keeps you from becoming a strong guy, gay or not gay, if you have the initiative to find the means and then put the time and effort it takes.
BTW... reading your profile... It's true when glass shatters that it's never the same again. But we are not made of glass, at least that I'm aware of. You know how many of our cells die each day and are perfectly replaced? bones that break and regrow? Healing is best when you are young, so don't waste any time and replace the broken glass with something that is elastic and strong.
#6
sailor
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Posted 20 January 2012 - 02:21 PM
Oh honey... don't do that. Don't blame yourself so much for what happened.
Yes, you were naïve and all, but heck, you were only 14! Nobody expect you to have the wisdom of a 44 y.o.! Sure, this shouldn't have happened, because you don't deserve such a treatment, nobody does.
I imagine that you're trying so hard to forget all this but you can't, can you? No, this is a wound that will take an awfull lot of time to heal. Some need only a week, others a month or even 10 years and some are getting never over it. Whatever you do, don't let it grow to an obsession that controls your young life day in, day out.
If you feel it is getting that worse, than please, seek help! Talk to someone, being you parents, friends, family, docter or guys in here doesn't matter.
You know, you're not the only one in this situation and most important of all: THERE IS NO REASON TO BE ASHAMED! Not at all. You were looking for some action but it turned out wrong. It shouldn't have, I know, but you can't turn back time, so in one way or the other, you have to live with it.
So, instead of blaming yourself all day, you better talk to someone. I know this will be difficult for you, but keep in mind that not everyone is such an asshole. There are a lot of people around who do care and are willing to help you. Heck, although my soul is as black as coal, even I will if you want to. Just PM me.
If my arms were 10.000 km long, I would give you a hug. I wish you all the best.
Yes, you were naïve and all, but heck, you were only 14! Nobody expect you to have the wisdom of a 44 y.o.! Sure, this shouldn't have happened, because you don't deserve such a treatment, nobody does.
I imagine that you're trying so hard to forget all this but you can't, can you? No, this is a wound that will take an awfull lot of time to heal. Some need only a week, others a month or even 10 years and some are getting never over it. Whatever you do, don't let it grow to an obsession that controls your young life day in, day out.
If you feel it is getting that worse, than please, seek help! Talk to someone, being you parents, friends, family, docter or guys in here doesn't matter.
You know, you're not the only one in this situation and most important of all: THERE IS NO REASON TO BE ASHAMED! Not at all. You were looking for some action but it turned out wrong. It shouldn't have, I know, but you can't turn back time, so in one way or the other, you have to live with it.
So, instead of blaming yourself all day, you better talk to someone. I know this will be difficult for you, but keep in mind that not everyone is such an asshole. There are a lot of people around who do care and are willing to help you. Heck, although my soul is as black as coal, even I will if you want to. Just PM me.
If my arms were 10.000 km long, I would give you a hug. I wish you all the best.
They used to tell me I was building a dream,
and so I followed the mob.
When there was earth to plough or guns to bear,
I was always there, right on the job.
and so I followed the mob.
When there was earth to plough or guns to bear,
I was always there, right on the job.
#7
TRON
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Posted 20 January 2012 - 04:40 AM
Sorry to know that you met a detrimental person after meeting up. You should always be cautious when meeting new people. Starting, if things doesnt turn out to be what it is, for instance like he's not the same person as the picture he showed you. You should try to reject or shun away from him tactfully. Cause he talks dirty with you and lied about his look, that's not what a sincere person would do if he want to befriend you.
Personally, i dont recommand knowing people from chatroom, it's such a promiscuous place. Instead, trevvy or grindr would be a better channel for you. Hopefully, you're able to pass through this ordeal and cast aside this scarring nightmare. Let it be a learning experience of growing up and getting out to know people. Take care Lil_Leo.
Personally, i dont recommand knowing people from chatroom, it's such a promiscuous place. Instead, trevvy or grindr would be a better channel for you. Hopefully, you're able to pass through this ordeal and cast aside this scarring nightmare. Let it be a learning experience of growing up and getting out to know people. Take care Lil_Leo.
#8
Lil_Leo
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Posted 19 January 2012 - 11:29 PM
When i went home, i immediately when to shower and i cried silently in the toilet without anyone knowing.. He was the one who made me fear guys now..Whenever a guy tries touch me now, i would avoid it.. i still love guys but, i just get past the barrier that is in front of me.. I tried to forget it but looking at how detailed i wrote this i realize, i didn't even forget a single thing he did to me.. When will i be able to overcome this nightmare??
#9
Lil_Leo
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Posted 19 January 2012 - 11:10 PM
I admit, i was naive then and i still am now.. I don't know why i wanna post this but.. I guess, i'm just tired of bottling it up.. It happened about more than 2 years ago, that was my very first time on this kinda website.. i wanted to make friends that are the 'same' as me. I was curious about people in this circle as i used to think that i'm the only 1 who like guys I was so surprised to know that there is so many people like me in Singapore. (Its really kinda difficult for me to tell who is gay when i'm on the street even now..)
After about a week of exploring the website, i decided to chat with people on9.. It was my first time chatting with strangers on9 and i really did not know what to expect.( You must be wondering whats my age..Well, i was 14 then) Anyway, i was chatting with this guy and we chatted for about a week.. He always like to talk about horny stuff and i just took it as a joke and didn't cared too much about.. It was a mistake that i life to regret.. I should have known that he was a bloody pervert.
After a week of chatting on9, he asked me for my hp and i foolishly agreed.. i even added him on fb! He even asked to meet me and i was so happy~ I was thinking that our friendship will be the best one i will have and so i agreed to meet him. I was kinda excited, curious and scared at the same time.. i was thinking to what does he looked like and what will i say when i meet him.. Then the day finally arrived.. it was the day that we planned to meet.. i took a bus to the shopping mall that we were supposed to meet and waited for him..
I waited patiently for about 15mins and we finally met. He was the same height as me and he looked different from the picture he shown me.. In my mind, i was like wtf! who are you?? i was kinda upset that i was scammed but i was still willing to make this new friendship.. So we went into the shopping mall and i asked him what he wanted to eat.. He didn't really seem interested in eating and he told me he wanted to go to the gents.. I said OK and i told him that i would wait outside for him but, he said he want me to go with him.. i was kinda afraid le but i could not think of any excuse to refuse(it seems kinda rude to reject somebody right?) so i went to the gents with him.. It was the beginning of my nightmare..
i went in the gents and washed my hands while i waited for him to pee.. After he was done with his 'business', he washed his hands and i was preparing to get out of the gents but, suddenly he said he wanted to 'touched' me down their and i was so shocked.. i tried to get out of the gents but he pulled my hand back and he started to put his into my pants!! It was so painful and i tried to pull his hand out but i was not strong enough T~T.. I struggled and struggled but, no matter how hard i try, i just couldn't get away.. i tried to take out my phone but as soon as i got the phone out of my pocket, he tried to grab the phone from me.. Until now, i still can't forget how he tried to grab the phone from me and say "A while only.." with his pervert expression..
I was so scared and all i could think of was i wanna get out of that hell hole.. i knew i couldn't win, so i pretend to put the phone back into my pocket.. As soon as he loosen his grip on me, i ran into 1 of the cubicle and tried to lock the door.. That bloody f***er pushed the door open and i fell down.. He then put his hands into my pants again.. I was crying by then and begged him to let me go.. I thought my life was over by then but suddenly the bloody f***er took out his hand and let me go.. i was so scared that i pulled up my pants and ran for my life..
i was trying to catch my breath as i ran out of the shopping mall, that moment, i just felt so hard to catch my breath and i was looking so damn pathetic.. As soon as i got out of the shopping mall, i started to slow down and catch my breath. Then suddenly, he sent me a message saying he knows where am i.. I was so afraid and didn't know what came into me but, i called him and start screaming vulgarities at him! He was said that he know where my school was.. It was then that i realized that he had everything planned!!
Him asking me what school i'm studying at and the empty toilet~ He is such scary person..
I was so surprised to know that there is so many people like me in Singapore. (Its really kinda difficult for me to tell who is gay when i'm on the street even now..)After about a week of exploring the website, i decided to chat with people on9.. It was my first time chatting with strangers on9 and i really did not know what to expect.( You must be wondering whats my age..Well, i was 14 then
) Anyway, i was chatting with this guy and we chatted for about a week.. He always like to talk about horny stuff and i just took it as a joke and didn't cared too much about.. It was a mistake that i life to regret.. I should have known that he was a bloody pervert.After a week of chatting on9, he asked me for my hp and i foolishly agreed.. i even added him on fb! He even asked to meet me and i was so happy~ I was thinking that our friendship will be the best one i will have and so i agreed to meet him. I was kinda excited, curious and scared at the same time.. i was thinking to what does he looked like and what will i say when i meet him.. Then the day finally arrived.. it was the day that we planned to meet.. i took a bus to the shopping mall that we were supposed to meet and waited for him..
I waited patiently for about 15mins and we finally met. He was the same height as me and he looked different from the picture he shown me.. In my mind, i was like wtf! who are you?? i was kinda upset that i was scammed but i was still willing to make this new friendship.. So we went into the shopping mall and i asked him what he wanted to eat.. He didn't really seem interested in eating and he told me he wanted to go to the gents.. I said OK and i told him that i would wait outside for him but, he said he want me to go with him.. i was kinda afraid le but i could not think of any excuse to refuse(it seems kinda rude to reject somebody right?) so i went to the gents with him.. It was the beginning of my nightmare..
i went in the gents and washed my hands while i waited for him to pee.. After he was done with his 'business', he washed his hands and i was preparing to get out of the gents but, suddenly he said he wanted to 'touched' me down their and i was so shocked.. i tried to get out of the gents but he pulled my hand back and he started to put his into my pants!! It was so painful and i tried to pull his hand out but i was not strong enough T~T.. I struggled and struggled but, no matter how hard i try, i just couldn't get away.. i tried to take out my phone but as soon as i got the phone out of my pocket, he tried to grab the phone from me.. Until now, i still can't forget how he tried to grab the phone from me and say "A while only.." with his pervert expression..
I was so scared and all i could think of was i wanna get out of that hell hole.. i knew i couldn't win, so i pretend to put the phone back into my pocket.. As soon as he loosen his grip on me, i ran into 1 of the cubicle and tried to lock the door.. That bloody f***er pushed the door open and i fell down.. He then put his hands into my pants again.. I was crying by then and begged him to let me go.. I thought my life was over by then but suddenly the bloody f***er took out his hand and let me go.. i was so scared that i pulled up my pants and ran for my life..
i was trying to catch my breath as i ran out of the shopping mall, that moment, i just felt so hard to catch my breath and i was looking so damn pathetic.. As soon as i got out of the shopping mall, i started to slow down and catch my breath. Then suddenly, he sent me a message saying he knows where am i.. I was so afraid and didn't know what came into me but, i called him and start screaming vulgarities at him! He was said that he know where my school was.. It was then that i realized that he had everything planned!!
Him asking me what school i'm studying at and the empty toilet~ He is such scary person..
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